daughter of assimilation is this membership card valid? I just went to a holy place on a holy evening to be with my tribe and I felt confused, stupid and lost. The meeting was joyous, a celebration to remember to enjoy life. There was singing and reading from a special poetry collection, written in a language I can hardly understand. And yet it is the language which unites my tribe -- but I can't really speak it. I already spend each day not feeling truly part of my tribe. When I am around other tribal members, I am often very turned off, especially when they speak our tribe's language. Why? Because I can't. Tonight was one of the repeating festivals in my tribe which happens on a regular basis. But even after 28 years of being around it, I still don't know in which order things occur. People stand, they sit, they dance, they sing. I sometimes follow and sometimes just remain baffled by the unfamiliarity with what they're doing. They seem to know the words to every song too. This makes me feel even more alone and NOT a member of my tribe. I honestly feel it would be impossible to acquire the depth of a lifetime starting at an age so beyond innocence. Besides that, it doesn't really appeal to me. I grew up with it on the side. It was a tradition but not significant, important, nor meaningful. Going was an option, enjoying a rare occurrence. My search is to understand who the heaven or hell I am, what my soul is doing in the here and now, and where my spiritual home is in this universe, if anywhere. Physically I am a member of my tribe -- since my parents are both 100% full-blooded members. But my spirit? My soul? My essence of me? Right now I am tired and in pain. Perhaps learning more about my tribe will show me more light and help me comprehend why my ancestors didn't assimilate sooner. I often feel my tribe doesn't love me because I haven't loved them. Am I the only one that feels this way?

oops, I assimilated again I apologize to my tribe but I am a daughter of assimilation and spiritual gentrification. My status quo education consisted of my country's facts, figures and history and not that of my tribe. I was not sent to a tribal school. My brother went to a tribal school for one year, but then we moved away. Every now and again, I come across a fellow tribal member that did go to a tribal school and they always seem to have a clear vision of "our people." I don't. In addition, I have very few friends that are members of my tribe. de-assimilation? This is how I became interested again. People from outside of my tribe, who had heard of my tribe, would say "really, wow, how interesting!" -- whereas I had never seen it as interesting before. And why? Because I am a daughter of assimilation. I grew up under the subtle discrimination of others. Smirks, comments, and generalizations were often made about my tribe and I didn't know whether to believe them or not. One thing I did understand was that my tribe suffered injustices and persecution because of our unique customs and notably archaic language. My tribe is fighting to survive, while I don't even feel like a true member. Supposedly astronomy, numerology, and agriculture are all parts of our identity but I don't know much about it. Like I said, I often feel ashamed and get laughed at when asking such basic questions to my fellow tribal members, especially members that are my age and younger. tomorrow never knows In conclusion, I've been a bad tribal member and my membership is up for a 30-year renewal. While the blood in my veins is stained for life with my tribal genome code, the destiny of my soul remains in my own hands.